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  • Sotek
    Member
     
    March 12, 2016

    Your welcome...

    Don't be surprised if someone else finds something. We all tend to point out each others mistakes anyway. At least they do with my chapters...

  • Ben W
    Member
     
    March 31, 2016

    Wow, this place feels dusty. *Blows said dust away* Perfect. 

    Anyway, I finally finished another chapter of T.B.C., only taking me several weeks. Anything that doesn't make sense or otherwise, please let me know :)

  • Sotek
    Member
     
    April 1, 2016

    I've a few suggestions for you. These are only ideas I had so have a look and see what you think.

     

  • Ben W
    Member
     
    April 1, 2016

    Will definitely be considering these idea of yours. 

  • Lyall
    Member
     
    April 1, 2016

    Can someone read this over? I've done a basic once-over, but I'm too muddled to really do anything at the moment, and have the urge to start Camp NaNo. Thanks!

    The Breath of Kyne

  • Sotek
    Member
     
    April 1, 2016

    I've given it a bit of a read.

    Here's my suggestions.

    Ma’osri didn’t seem to notice this though. After a period of thoughtful silence that began after they crossed paths with the priestess, she became more talkative.

    The storm section. I found it a bit confusing and 'bity'. This is the sort of thing I would have.

    Before they got halfway across the open ground, the storm was upon them like a force of pure malice. It was almost alive, hungry and hateful. As the clouds darkened the sky above them, raging winds battered their bodies, while rain soaked their skins and made the ground treacherous to traverse. In their haste to reach the shelter of the wagon, their feet failed them. As one they tumbled to the side, being blown by winds of proportions unknown to anyone currently alive, besides some of the oldest High Elves that lived in Hammerfell many years past. Fjorrod reached out, ignoring the sensation of weightlessness that overtook him, and grabbed Ma’osri’s hand.

     

    Forcing his head up, he saw the ruins of the caravan from earlier scattered around them, a wheel moving on its side, heavy woollen cloth flapping madly in the wind before tearing off from the pole that held it.

    All in all, a very atmospheric piece. I quite enjoyed reading it.

  • ProbsCoolerThanYou
    Member
     
    April 1, 2016
    Gonna read it over and suggest some things in a bit. It's looking good from what little I've read but there's a couple minor things to fix.
  • Lyall
    Member
     
    April 1, 2016

    Thanks Sotek! I'll read it over and give some more detail

  • Ben W
    Member
     
    April 24, 2016

    At long last Ch. 10 is done. <sigh> Takes me forever to get anything done nowadays. Any and all criticism and corrections are welcome 

  • Sotek
    Member
     
    April 25, 2016

    Awwwooo

    Sent you a PM with a few suggestions.

    Hope they help.


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