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• Ebonslayer

  

  Member
   

  February 10, 2016

  The prologue of Blood and Soul definitely needs some editing but before I do so I could use some professional help.

  Sorry Sotek, it's a google docx.

  The prologue of Blood and Soul definitely needs some editing but before I do so I could use some professional help.

  Sorry Sotek, it's a google docx.

• Ben W

  

  Member
   

  February 10, 2016

  If it was a google doc, you'd have a link to it not an attachment for a word doc :P

  I'll have a look at this and get back to ya

  If it was a google doc, you'd have a link to it not an attachment for a word doc :P

  I'll have a look at this and get back to ya

• Ebonslayer

  

  Member
   

  February 10, 2016

  I made it in google doc though. Oh well, all the better for Sotek.

  I made it in google doc though. Oh well, all the better for Sotek.
• Ben W

  

  Member
   

  February 11, 2016

  Alright, I went through and got all that I could see that needed correcting or otherwise. Good start, but, my opinion only on this matter, isn't the armor the Argonian starts in a bit otherworldly? Unless you have a full fledged plan and reason for it, I retract my concern on it 

  Alright, I went through and got all that I could see that needed correcting or otherwise. Good start, but, my opinion only on this matter, isn't the armor the Argonian starts in a bit otherworldly? Unless you have a full fledged plan and reason for it, I retract my concern on it 

• Ebonslayer

  

  Member
   

  February 11, 2016

  Like I said, he created the armor himself, his master, a warrior greater than himself, taught him how to make this... with Ebonslayer's own little twist. Other than the armor is there anything else I should add to make it better.

  Like I said, he created the armor himself, his master, a warrior greater than himself, taught him how to make this... with Ebonslayer's own little twist. Other than the armor is there anything else I should add to make it better.
• The Long-Chapper

  

  Member
   

  February 11, 2016

  Fixed the mechanical errors and you had quite a few issues with tense because, I think, you were confused about some elements of first person narrative. I fixed those.

  How old is this guy? Was just curious, as that would put him, not sure? Did he train when he was very young, like a shadowscale? At the very least, if he was trained as a shadowscale, he'd be close to 70 by the beginning of Skyrim?

  Fixed the mechanical errors and you had quite a few issues with tense because, I think, you were confused about some elements of first person narrative. I fixed those.

  How old is this guy? Was just curious, as that would put him, not sure? Did he train when he was very young, like a shadowscale? At the very least, if he was trained as a shadowscale, he'd be close to 70 by the beginning of Skyrim?

• Ben W

  

  Member
   

  February 11, 2016

  That was also one of my concerns

  That was also one of my concerns

• Ebonslayer

  

  Member
   

  February 11, 2016

  I'm not used to this and will try to place this in the story. He is a unique form of vampire (details will be provided later), has been since birth. By the time this happens he is about 46-47ish. I should probably create a profile for this guy, huh?

  I'm not used to this and will try to place this in the story. He is a unique form of vampire (details will be provided later), has been since birth. By the time this happens he is about 46-47ish. I should probably create a profile for this guy, huh?
• Sotek

  

  Member
   

  February 11, 2016

  In all honesty I would create a basic profile just for yourself at this time. Once you have a few chapters up then consider posting it in the RP section.

  As you have one for yourself, you will find it grows as you write more. That's why I suggest youhold back before posting it. It will be all the better for it.

  In all honesty I would create a basic profile just for yourself at this time. Once you have a few chapters up then consider posting it in the RP section.

  As you have one for yourself, you will find it grows as you write more. That's why I suggest youhold back before posting it. It will be all the better for it.

• The Long-Chapper

  

  Member
   

  February 11, 2016

  I was going to guess vampire. A thing to consider. The setting and the circumstances. 174 Imperial City is pretty war torn, I'm assuming this is before the sacking of the City, yes? I'm not quite sure how Imperial military would react to a vampire in Daedric armor walking in their ranks and being accepting of him. I mean, Lycanthropy is very illegal in the Imperial Legion, and vampirism has a bounty as well. Does this guy have a way to disguise his vampirism? 

  That being said, I apologize. I just tend to think very heavily about lore and you said it very clearly in your TOC that you would be breaking it, so I won't say anymore. 

  I was going to guess vampire. A thing to consider. The setting and the circumstances. 174 Imperial City is pretty war torn, I'm assuming this is before the sacking of the City, yes? I'm not quite sure how Imperial military would react to a vampire in Daedric armor walking in their ranks and being accepting of him. I mean, Lycanthropy is very illegal in the Imperial Legion, and vampirism has a bounty as well. Does this guy have a way to disguise his vampirism? 

  That being said, I apologize. I just tend to think very heavily about lore and you said it very clearly in your TOC that you would be breaking it, so I won't say anymore.