I liked this and voted for it in Paul's Deathmatch Poll. In the poll's discussion I saw 1legassassin ask for help in improving this build.
The way I see it, it's clear that a great deal of time and effort was put into its creation. From it's backstory, understanding and observance of lore, right the way down to it's roleplay aspects, you can tell it to be a labour of love.
The concept that this character has a split personallity that gains dominance over the other half once certain stimuli occur is actually pretty cool. For that to be tied up to the entire history of the Falmer is really clever.
The negative for me is that there simply is so much to read. And I like reading. This could be because I already have an understanding of Snow Elf lore so I start to skim through the page. I get as far as Changing and use of forms and snap out of it like "huh, what forms?" So I had to go back and read again to really pay attention to the point.
So I'd consider putting the history, lore and background at the end and substitute those areas with a more brief, condensed overview of the point you're making. The greatness of this build is it's switching between forms due to the character's madness so I think that aspect should make up the bulk of the opening paragraphs. Once my attention to this unique approach to the game has been gained, the character slowly emerges in my minds eye. The details about history, motivation and religion can be found out later.
I'm not saying rewrite or delete anything, just move the history lesson to the bottom and replace with a smaller, quicker to read version. Please everyone, criticise and argue with this alternative layout idea:
1: Condensed intro followed by The Character- The Mathmeldi
2: Build Overview
3: Nature of Mathmeldi 3.1: Changing and Use of Forms 3.2: Overall + roleplaying each aspect
4: Skills and Abilities Here is where I run into difficulty being convinced to put perk points into both heavy and light armour. Maybe that area could be clearer? Beacuse there are ten skills listed, where to put each valueable point every level is a hard choice. While I understand it depends on which personality is dominant, it worries me that once I switch back to the other, my character will be weaker.
From there I have no real issues. I would conclude with the rest of the introduction containing thanks to Vix and the whole Dragonborn spear issue. I think the bulk of the background should be last because it is a lot to take in and is purely optional to the player.
Please disregard all of this 1leg if you disagree. It is not my place to dictate what you should do with your artistic vision. I am merely trying to suggest an alternative layout that could help sell the concept and hook the reader better. I also urge everyone else to chime in with their suggestions.
I liked this and voted for it in Paul's Deathmatch Poll. In the poll's discussion I saw 1legassassin ask for help in improving this build.
The way I see it, it's clear that a great deal of time and effort was put into its creation. From it's backstory, understanding and observance of lore, right the way down to it's roleplay aspects, you can tell it to be a labour of love.
The concept that this character has a split personallity that gains dominance over the other half once certain stimuli occur is actually pretty cool. For that to be tied up to the entire history of the Falmer is really clever.
The negative for me is that there simply is so much to read. And I like reading. This could be because I already have an understanding of Snow Elf lore so I start to skim through the page. I get as far as Changing and use of forms and snap out of it like "huh, what forms?" So I had to go back and read again to really pay attention to the point.
So I'd consider putting the history, lore and background at the end and substitute those areas with a more brief, condensed overview of the point you're making. The greatness of this build is it's switching between forms due to the character's madness so I think that aspect should make up the bulk of the opening paragraphs. Once my attention to this unique approach to the game has been gained, the character slowly emerges in my minds eye. The details about history, motivation and religion can be found out later.
I'm not saying rewrite or delete anything, just move the history lesson to the bottom and replace with a smaller, quicker to read version. Please everyone, criticise and argue with this alternative layout idea:
1: Condensed intro followed by The Character- The Mathmeldi
2: Build Overview
3: Nature of Mathmeldi 3.1: Changing and Use of Forms 3.2: Overall + roleplaying each aspect
4: Skills and Abilities Here is where I run into difficulty being convinced to put perk points into both heavy and light armour. Maybe that area could be clearer? Beacuse there are ten skills listed, where to put each valueable point every level is a hard choice. While I understand it depends on which personality is dominant, it worries me that once I switch back to the other, my character will be weaker.
From there I have no real issues. I would conclude with the rest of the introduction containing thanks to Vix and the whole Dragonborn spear issue. I think the bulk of the background should be last because it is a lot to take in and is purely optional to the player.
Please disregard all of this 1leg if you disagree. It is not my place to dictate what you should do with your artistic vision. I am merely trying to suggest an alternative layout that could help sell the concept and hook the reader better. I also urge everyone else to chime in with their suggestions.
