Forums » The Lounge
Tell us your favorite joke? (clean please) :)
-
-
-
-
-
Native American comedy:
Bear walked into a bar. Bear said to Dear -"May I please"......................................."have a drink?"
And so Dear said to Bear - "Why the big pause?"
----------------------------------
Many moons ago Pony and Eagle walked up to Coyote. Pony said to Coyote- "I am very mad at Eagle. Would you yell at him for me?"
Coyote said to Pony -"Why can you not yell yourself?"
And Pony replied -"Because I am a little hoarse."
------
It's so lame it's funny.
-
-
-
-
-
-
It's a little messed up but I just have to put it.
Hello, welcome to the mental health hotline.
If you have obsessive compulsive disorder, press 1 repeatedly.
If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2 for you.
If you have multiple personality syndrome, press 3, 4, 5, and 6.
If you suffer from paranoid schizophrenia, we know who you are and what you want. Stay on the line so we can trace your call.
If you are delusional, press 7 and your call will be transfered to the mothership.
If you are hearing voices, listen carefully and a small voice will tell you which number to press.
If you are manic depressive, it doesn't matter which button you press. No one will answer anyway.
If you are dyslexic, press 96969696969696.
If you have a nervous disorder, please fidget with the pound button until a representative comes on the line.
If you have amnesia, press 8 and state your name, address, phone number, date of birth, social security number, and your mother's and grandmother's maiden names.
If you have post traumatic stress disorder, slowly and carefully press 911.
If you have bi-polar disorder, please leave a message after the beep. Or before the beep. Or after the beep. Please wait for the beep.
If you have short term memory loss, please try you call again in a few minutes.
If you have low self esteem, please hang up. All our representatives are busy. -
-
Four people are on a plane, President Bush, Micahel Jackson, a elderly priest and a student. The plane is crashing and there are three parachutes
Michael jumps out and says, "I'm famous, I must live!"
Bush jumps out and says, "I'm the president, I must live!"
Now the priest goes to the student, "I've lived my life, you take the parachute."
The students says, "We can both go, Bush took my backpack."
-
-
An American guy and a Russian guy are applying for the same job. They are asked to use the words green, pink, and yellow in a sentence, in that order. The American guy says, "I drive my green car, to my pink house on Yellow Road." Then the Russian guy says, "The phone goes green,green! I pink it up and I say YELLOW!" -
-
-
-
-
-
Oh Shannon! Hope your bum foot is healing all right. All right. Well, I don't really do jokes or have any that I ever try to remember but for some reason back in early 2000's I copied and pasted some jokes I found on line that I thought were funny. Here's a few for the pool!
A guy walks into the psychiatrist wearing only shorts made from Gladwrap.
The psychiatrist says, ''Well, I can clearly see you're nuts.''
Actual bumper stickers seen on the road:
Jesus loves you...everyone else thinks you're an asshole.
Lord, save me from your followers.
The more people I meet, the more I like my dog.
I need someone really bad... are you really bad?
Born again pagan.
Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else.
Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere may be happy.
-
Lol, I can clearly see you're nuts as well Evil.
Being American we both need the Lord save me from your followers one, since they are the ones botching this whole "running the country" thing. IF only more politicians were Realian, they'd be too busy having 250 person orgies and watching the skies to get us into too much trouble.
-
There's a crew on a ship out in the ocean. The guy up in the crow's nest says "Captian, one enemy ship on the horizan." the captian says "bring me my red shirt." they fight the whole day without losing a single man. after the battle one of the crew members ask "captiuan before the battel you asked for your red shirt, why is that?" he replies, "that way if i was shot the men would not see me bleed and they would continue to fight on. The next day the guy up in the crow's nest says " captian twenty enemy ships on the horizan" the captian says "bring me my brown pants."
