Chapter 34
Darkness always had been with him. Even when he was scared, when he was with friends, or alone. It was now, too.
Ciel’nn was sitting in a dark and cold cave, or it looked like a cave. He wasn’t sure. Not a single source of light was to be found. Normally it would have bothered him, but now… Now, it didn’t matter to him. Of course, he was still anxious about it, but only little bit.
“Ciel’nn…You’re mine!”
“You wretched excuse of a son…”
Ciel’nn didn’t care about those echoes that faded into the darkness. He stared into the darkness, unmoving, breathless and unblinking. Nothing mattered. He didn’t know if he was alive or dead. Where was he? Ciel’nn was uncertain of that, too.
“Ciel’nn…”
“You should be here with me, wretch!”
Slowly his lips parted as he shifted in his place. “Shut up!”
In the Spirit realm Sarade had assumed her spirit of an ice wolf. She was standing on a hill and looked around the area ahead of her. Everything was eerie and there were a few lost spirits wandering nearby, but she needed to find Ciel’nn before it was too late. The realm was darker than usual and that made her worry even more.
Something caught her attention on the ground nearby and she swiftly moved closer to it. It was a life essence and it had a strange feeling to it. It belongs to Ciel’nn… but where is he? I should look for more of these and collect them. Sarade touched the life essence by her wolf paw to collect it. It attached itself to her and started to float around.
After a short run, Sarade found another life essence near a shadow pond. Once she touched it to collect it, she had a feeling of abandonment. Has he abandoned life? I have to hurry. It was like the Dunmer’s life essences guided her. She knew where to go next.
The young warrior sat by the fire and looked over to the Huntress and the Dunmer. He was ready to defend them if anyone, or anything would approach the camp. Sarade had told him not to interrupt the ritual. Rangalen had to admit to himself that the ritual had seemed to be a little eerie to him and it still was with the Huntress not moving. He had to narrow his eyes to see her slow breathing. It was something he never had seen before - the ritual that was. The area where they were had grown slightly colder, but also calm. It was as if time had stopped as he looked around at the trees, the grass… He turned to look at his two friends. Please, hurry and be safe. He was partly worried about the candles and incenses if they’d run out. What would happen if they did? Rangalen didn’t wanted to guess.
Sarade was staring at the greater spirit that had a dark aura on it. She was certain it didn’t belong in the Spirit realm, but it was holding the life essence that belonged to Ciel’nn. Somehow she had to get it back. Sarade had the feeling she’d have to fight it in some way.
The greater spirit approached her and snarled. “The great Ice Wolf approaches!” It’s flowing orb-like eyes narrowed in amusement. “Are you here to stop me, too?”
“Stop you, too? You don’t belong here, foul spirit! Release the life essence!” Sarade demanded in a stern tone, but the spirit laughed woefully.
“Yes, the great Bear is here!” The spirit hissed. “I found the life essence and it’s delicious. I shall keep it.” It fondly played with the essence, making Sarade even more frustrated.
The great Bear Sorjen is here, too? It raised more questions, but she didn’t have the time. She knew she wouldn’t be able to trick the spirit, but might be able to beat it with some help. “Give me the essence!” she demanded again with a howl, but the spirit shook its head.
Sorjen, the great Bear approached them. “Ah, the great Ice Wolf. My kindred greetings. Have you come to help me with this spirit that is a Devourer?”
“The great Bear, my kindred greetings, but I’m in a hurry. The spirit has something that I need.” Sarade replied, frowning slightly. “A Devourer?”
“May we join forces, then? Yes, it has come to devour the lost souls.” Sorjen nodded towards the greater spirit. He saw the great Ice Wolf nodding.
“Yes, I’ll help you. I’ll need the life essence it’s holding.” Sarade replied and prepared for the trial of wills.
Rangalen stood up and listened in as he frowned. Horses neighing and soldiers marching on the nearby road. He really hoped that the Kyne’s blessing would last longer, at least until Sarade was back. If any of the soldiers would notice them and… No, he trusted in Sarade’s words that they were safe for the time being. He shifted closer to the Dunmer, who hadn’t changed his expression since he was brought back. The young warrior observed his friend. I don’t know what you’re going through, but be strong. With that, he whispered a quiet prayer to Arkay, Kyne… and Azura for he knew she was Ciel’nn’s favorite Daedric Prince. He straightened his back and looked around - it was still calm.
From a corner of his eye, the young warrior saw a bear approaching. The sight of a big bear made his heart race, but the animal stopped at a short distance and sat down as if it was waiting for something. A strange calmness came over Rangalen and he moved his hand from the hilt of his sword. It was very strange. He knew Sarade was keen to the fauna of Skyrim, but this was something new entirely. Quietly the young warrior sat down on the bedroll, waiting as he had been waiting for two hours now.
The trials of wills against the greater spirit, the Devourer, had been testing for Sarade. She already felt being at her limits and that there was no time to waste. Sorjen, the great Bear had been most helpful and advised her towards the Dunmer’s last essence of life. Sprinting across the planes of the Spirit realm, past the wandering lost souls, and towards the dark cavern where Ciel’nn should be at. She only hoped the Dunmer would accept the help from her because her and his time was running out.
The cave was dark as Sorjen had described. Sarade approached it with caution because she sensed some level of hostility which was odd. She had perceived the Dunmer as a calm person, but this kind of darkness was new. As she carefully walked into the cave, Sarade felt a wave of sorrow and hopelessness against her senses. “Ciel’nn, are you here?” she called out.
“Go away….” Ciel’nn’s voice whispered and echoed in the darkness. “I’m forgotten. Abandoned….”
“I’m here to help you.” She replied in a calming tone. “You’re not forgotten or abandoned. We were worried for you.” Sarade noticed the essences of life still floated around her and not shifting towards the Dunmer.
“I don’t need anyone… This is fine…” Ciel’nn’s voice whispered in a saddened tone.
Sarade crept closer and saw the spirit of the Dunmer sitting in a corner and hugging its knees. She needed to touch him and connect the essences with him - this is what Sorjen had said must be done. “Rangalen is worried and waiting for you to wake up. Please, Ciel’nn… You’re dear to us.” She moved closer ever so carefully, not wanting to make any sudden moves that would make the Dunmer sprint away.
“Is he?” A curious question, but also questioning. “I miss the Nord…” Ciel’nn’s spirit shifted as if to straighten its back. It remembered when Rangalen had hugged him. It missed the feeling of it. “Rang…” It’s head turned to the great Ice Wolf, but it saw only Sarade in the spirit of a Nord woman. “You’re really the Huntress.”
Sarade managed to sneak close enough to take the hand of the spirit and took it into her own as her spirit form had shifted into what she really was. “Come, it’s time to go back and live again.” She leaned in and took the spirit into an embrace and felt the essences of life shifted into the Dunmer’s spirit form. She sighed and hoped her calmness and loving presence would assure Ciel’nn’s spirit that he was loved and missed.
Once the essences of life went to back to the Dunmer, it wanted to return to where it belonged.
A sudden gasp from Sarade so startled the young warrior that he got up. The huntress looked weary and exhausted - Rangalen had no idea what she’d been through. He didn’t dare to ask anything yet and looked to Ciel’nn, who had a calm expression on his face. ”Is he…?” The young warrior found himself asking. Damn! I should have waited a bit longer. In truth, he couldn’t help himself. To see the Dunmer again was more than he could even hope.
“He’s sleeping. Keep watch over him. I need to rest.” Sarade shifted slowly over to her bedroll. “It was really taxing to get him back, but I think he’ll be alright if you stay with him.” She glanced at the man wearily before preparing to sleep.
“Alright. There’s a…” Rangalen turned to see the bear, but it was gone now. What the…? He shook his head and turned to Ciel’nn. He wanted to hug him, keep him close and safe from whatever nightmares he might have, but the young warrior minded himself and adjusted the blanket over the Dunmer. Carefully he brushed the stray hair off Ciel’nn’s face. You’re safe now, friend. I wonder if you remember what happened and if you’d tell me.
The smell of a campfire and nightly sounds greeted Ciel’nn when he came to. Those things made it clear for him that he was still alive, and back on Nirn as it seemed. He could still remember the events from Marquis kidnapping him to the meeting with the Avatar of Mehrunes Dagon, though it started to fade slowly. To feel relieved would be understatement. What he felt was emptiness, but there also was the feeling of darkness that never left him, in the back of his mind.
Ciel’nn found out he was still holding the dagger. His hand was stiff - the Dunmer had no idea how long he had been out cold and tried to move his fingers so he could put the dagger away. He turned his head to see the young warrior, who was reading a book. Seeing his friend should have brought a smile to his lips, but it didn’t. Instead he stared at him for a while. Of course, the Dunmer had missed his friend, but what had happened on the other side was too much for him. Ciel’nn didn’t know how long it would take to make him feel himself again, if at all.
Feeling someone watching him, Rangalen looked away from his book and saw the Dunmer staring at him. It brought an instant smile to his face. “Hey! When did you wake up?” he asked, putting away the book and grabbing a leather water canteen. His smile shifted into worry when he saw the Dunmer’s blank expression. “Ciel’nn… Can you sit up?” The young warrior helped Ciel’nn up, who then grabbed the water canteen. Rangalen frowned. “How do you feel? I’m happy that you’re back.” The Dunmer glanced at him before drinking the water, but remained quiet. The Nord bit his lower lip. I wish you’d say something. I’m not good at this.
The words were there, but nothing came out as Ciel’nn looked into the campfire. Something familiar was there, within the flames. He had ate the meal that Sarade had made after she came back from hunting. The Huntress was relieved the Dunmer was awake, but concerned for his well being, or rather his state of mind. Ciel’nn remained quiet for the time being. He didn’t answer if they asked him something. If he did something it was handling his enchanted dagger and staring at it for a long time. The Nord tried to hug him, but Ciel’nn stopped him. The Huntress said, “He needs time. A lot of it.”
They were sitting around the campfire for the fifth night, and Ciel’nn had done some thinking. He glanced at his two friends; Sarade was doing her meditation ritual and Rangalen was reading another book, “Heavy armor forging” by the looks of it. “So, that’s how you make orcish armor.” He heard the young warrior commenting. Ciel’nn took a deep breath. “I killed the old mer.” His confession made Rangalen sharply look up from his books and Sarade’s meditation broke as she opened her eyes so fast that it made her disoriented for a moment. “What? What do you mean?”
Ciel’nn looked down to his dagger before he began. “My childhood wasn’t pleasant. The old mer made everything difficult for me and my mother. It ended up him with killing her and putting her soul into a grand soulgem that I used to have.” His voice cracked and he felt Sarade’s hand on his shoulder. “I… I’d be too in one, if I hadn’t killed him.” The young warrior and The huntress exchanged glances. “But that’s not all…” Ciel’nn continued quietly before falling quiet completely. He allowed Sarade to hug him while Rangalen would just stare in a mix of a shock and want-to-understand face. It was clear the Nord tried to chew on the information so he could understand even a bit.
He wanted to say more, but couldn’t yet. He felt so torn and broken that he was certain no one could mend him. Ciel’nn slept alone as he had done since he had awoken after the ordeal.
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