I think maybe deleting it and reposting it in the Workshop might be a good idea Bob. Maybe consider opening with a badass picture of Mephy, there are loads of them. Hell even Lolth might work or a Drow if you're stuck. The guys in the Art Group might get you a screenshot of your character if you ask nicely and credit them in the build.
As for the build I think the backstory works but it might help to explain it more without going overboard. I mean, many have difficulty understanding why the Dunmer hold those three Daedra in such high regard, especially Mephala considering how undeniably bad she can be. Sex and murder is a tough sell so we need to know why without getting info dumped.
Next your skills. Rather than just list them why not tell us why they are important. Why Sneak besides it being a seemingly compulsory skill for any build? How does it tie in with a former priest? Illusion is mentioned but again we don't know why. To what use did you put that skill? Was it connected to Mephala and the sex thing, like a seduction? That'd be cool so put it in if that is the case.
Basically you want people to read your build and be inspired to play it or take elements from it to use in their game. To do this you need to sell the concept and show us how cool it is. That means awesome pictures, it means good lore, it means a strong roleplay element and it means gameplay mechanics beyond "Fus Ro Dah them off a cliff."
Have a look at Mason's Morag Tong. It's an old build now and the mechanics may be out of date but it still a great classic Forester's Guild example. See how he explains why he chose those skills and what use he put them to in context? That explains why archery for the Morag Tong character compared to No Snakes aLive's Demonhunter are used very differently. If he just listed Archey as a skill, how would the reader know how he used it and what makes the build different.
I think maybe deleting it and reposting it in the Workshop might be a good idea Bob. Maybe consider opening with a badass picture of Mephy, there are loads of them. Hell even Lolth might work or a Drow if you're stuck. The guys in the Art Group might get you a screenshot of your character if you ask nicely and credit them in the build.
As for the build I think the backstory works but it might help to explain it more without going overboard. I mean, many have difficulty understanding why the Dunmer hold those three Daedra in such high regard, especially Mephala considering how undeniably bad she can be. Sex and murder is a tough sell so we need to know why without getting info dumped.
Next your skills. Rather than just list them why not tell us why they are important. Why Sneak besides it being a seemingly compulsory skill for any build? How does it tie in with a former priest? Illusion is mentioned but again we don't know why. To what use did you put that skill? Was it connected to Mephala and the sex thing, like a seduction? That'd be cool so put it in if that is the case.
Basically you want people to read your build and be inspired to play it or take elements from it to use in their game. To do this you need to sell the concept and show us how cool it is. That means awesome pictures, it means good lore, it means a strong roleplay element and it means gameplay mechanics beyond "Fus Ro Dah them off a cliff."
Have a look at Mason's Morag Tong. It's an old build now and the mechanics may be out of date but it still a great classic Forester's Guild example. See how he explains why he chose those skills and what use he put them to in context? That explains why archery for the Morag Tong character compared to No Snakes aLive's Demonhunter are used very differently. If he just listed Archey as a skill, how would the reader know how he used it and what makes the build different.
) to bring some life breathed back into them.