"I don't know why you even keep trying, Sven. Camilla's mine, I tell you!"
"Oh really? Did you see the way she looked at me last night at the Sleeping Giant Inn? I dare say she was entranced by my song!"
"Well of course she was -- she had to have been drunk to like anything you wrote!"
Such was the early morning bickering in Riverwood between the bard Sven and the archer Faendal, two men pining over the same woman: one Camilla Valerius, a lady often cited as the most beautiful in the little town. Confrontations between these two men were nothing new; every day, it seemed, they could do nothing but fight over the woman they wanted. Meanwhile the residents of the town would simply roll their eyes at the sound of their arguments, and carry on with their working lives... but one day, all of that would come to a halt.
One day,a visitor strolled into Riverwood. He was Markus Blackwell, a rich gentleman known for his dashing good looks and his charismatic charm. Upon Markus' arrival, the first thing he noticed was Sven and Faendal arguing over Camilla. He observed them from a distance, and assessed the situation; clearly these men needed guidance from a man who knew better how to treat women, he thought to himself, and so he first approached Faendal (as Sven had presently gone indoors).
"Excuse me sir," Markus began, "Might I have a moment?"
"Sure." Faendal replied, "What do you need?"
"I couldn't help but notice you and that blonde-haired fellow having a bit of a... debate earlier."
"That lute-player? Damn bard thinks he can muscle in and take Camilla Valerius away from me. That's the debate!"
"Camilla Valerius?"
"The most beautiful woman in Riverwood. In all of Skyrim, in fact. She's mine, I keep saying, but does he listen? No!"
"Hmm... well, I see you feel very passionate about this lady. Tell you what: what say I give your situation a good old-fashioned gentleman's touch?"
"You'd be willing to help?"
"Indeed. Far be it from me to leave the fate of a young woman's heart in the balance. Now, what shall I do?"
"Well I do have one plan; I wrote a fake letter to Camilla, to make her think less of that milk-drinking bard. If you deliver it, she'll never suspect a thing."
"Deception, eh? Ah, my friend, you're a man after my own heart!" Markus said gleefully, "I will most certainly see this letter put to good use."
"Thank you." Faendal said, handing him the letter. "Let's see Sven worm his way out of this one."
And so Markus accepted the false letter and left Faendal to continue chopping wood... but rather than bringing the letter to Camilla, he opted instead to deliver Fanedal's deception to his rival Sven.
"That tree-hugging bastard!" Sven cried out, "Who does he think he is?!"
"Certainly not a gentleman, I'll say that much." Markus shrugged.
"Well two can play his little game." Sven handed Markus a letter of his own. "Give this to Camilla. Tell her it's from Faendal... we'll see how funny he thinks this is when the tables are turned!"
"You have my word, sir, that this letter shall reach Camilla's eyes." Markus bowed curtly, "But do tell me, where might I find the young lady?"
"She works in the Riverwood trader with her brother Lucan. Now go and make that wood elf sorry he tried to mess with me!"
Markus gave a sly grin and nodded before leaving Sven's house. Before him stood the Riverwood Trader, a humble-looking shop sitting right in the middle of town. Casually Markus opened the door and spoke up...
"Hello, where might I find Ms. Camilla Valerius?" He asked.
"Right here... can I help you?" A soft feminine voice responded.
Markus turned to face the voice, and beheld Camilla Valerius herself. She was every bit as lovely as Faendal had claimed her to be, perhaps even more so, and in that very instant Markus was utterly smitten with her. And Camilla, too, beheld how handsome this visitor was, and the two were rendered silent for a moment by the sight of one another. At last Markus spoke, retaining his composure.
"I don't believe we have been introduced. My name is..."
"Markus Blackwell? The gentleman with the eye patch from Riften?"
"Ah, my good lady, I see that my reputation precedes me."
"Indeed. I've heard a great deal about you... your heritage, your wealth, your wit... what brings you to Riverwood?"
"Oh, I'm just passing through, milady, but I come bearing gifts of great importance." Markus handed her the letters.
"What are these?" Camilla asked before reading, "... Are these from Faendal and Sven?"
"Would you believe it?" He laughed, "Those fools think that deception is going to win you over. Why, they were so eager to stab one another in the back that they arranged for a stranger to deliver false letters instead of taking matters into their own hands and winning you over fairly!"
"And why did you agree to do any of this?"
"Because, my good miss, their situation needed a good old-fashioned gentleman's touch. And far be it from me to leave the fate of a young woman's heart in the balance."
"You deceived the two of them for the well-being of a woman you've never met before?"
"There is not a single woman in all of Tamriel that should be 'won' as a prize between cheating rivals. Particularly none as pristine and beautiful as yourself."
Camilla turned red from Markus' silky tone, and swooned into his arms. Back outside, Sven and Faendal continued their vicious bickering, each claiming to have trumped the other... until, to everyone's surprise, the two of them fell deafeningly silent. Out of the Riverwood Trader walked Camilla Valerius, resting against Markus Blackwell's mighty chest. Sven and Fanedal were left stunned and speechless as Markus shot a sly grin their direction, winking with his one good eye and laughing with Camilla as they walked merrily to the city of Whiterun...
