Chases-The-Wind
~ ~ ~
I was a fool.
The binding magic between a vampire and thrall can vary in strength. I did not know this. My only thought had been to protect Dar-Meena from harm. I was reckless in my haste to quell all threats. The vampire read my movements and evaded my first strike. Their eyes can see prey even in the darkest night. I assumed killing the vampire would bring an end to the conflict and possibly save lives. But the thralls…
Their minds were not freed, but instead thrown into madness and confusion. They needed time to allow their bonds to fade away after the vampire’s death. It was time I could not give them.
Now Leifnaar was dead. I stood in that retched cave one last time, holding his wedding ring in my hand. The other corpses were left where they fell, while the vampire had dissolved into dust, as vampires do when they die. I put the ring in my pocket. If not for Dar-Meena, I am unsure how well events would have turned out. Her intervention may have saved me. The thought was galling.
There are times when I think that failure is beneath me. As a hatchling my skills and abilities were honed to a razor’s edge. I tell myself even in the bleakest of trials, when lives are at stake, that there is nothing I cannot do. It is the mindset that sends a man charging into battle alone against a dragon. But a world without failure is a world without success. Everyone succumbs to the snare of miscalculation.
The difference is, when I succumb to that snare… people die.
I kicked open a sack of grain, holding back a yell of anger. No amount of rage could overcome my regret. I grieved not only Leifnarr but for his family as well. Who was I to think I could reunite them, as though every problem can be solved by a man and his sword?
Xhuth… What will I say to them? Is there no good I can do?
The time would come for me to confront Grosta and her son. Dar-Meena was waiting. I suppressed the storm within and trudged on.
Skies were grey outside. Not much sunlight, I noted, thinking of the vampire. I took a potion from my belt and drank a portion of it, tasting the bitter essence of mandrake root. Though Argonians are not prone to contracting Sanguinare Vampiris, I refused to gamble. I would monitor my vitals closely over the next three days and continue medicinal therapy. The dreaded vampire’s disease is best cured at early onset.
Symptoms of vampirism do not appear until it passes its dormant stage, but by then the effects become permanent, irreversible.
A light spray from the nearby waterfall misted me as I walked down the path. The water had been very cold for bathing, almost painfully so. It helped distract me from my thoughts. I was thankful for that. Dar-Meena was sitting on a rock near a thicket of trees and stood to greet me as I approached.
“Got what you needed?” she asked.
Yes, I thought but didn’t speak. I simply held out the items I’d gathered for her to see: Leifnaar’s ring and a vial of the vampire’s remains.
“What’s that?”
“This is what was left of the monster,” I said.
“Dust?”
“All vampires turn to dust when they die, as far as I know.”
“Why take it with you?”
“I can use it,” I said. “It is a rare alchemical ingredient.” Zollassa showed me a potion that is easy to make with vampire dust. All the knowledge I have of alchemy is due to her, though much has been forgotten with age. She taught me that every substance on Nirn possesses some magical essence waiting to be harnessed. I had always enjoyed Zol’s fascination with the alchemical world.
I returned the vial to my belt. Dar-Meena stared guardedly at me. She knows now what I really am. I could sense her unease.
“You are afraid of me,” I said. A statement, not a question.
Dar-Meena folded her arms. “Should I be?” she asked. It was uplifting to hear. In spite of all the horrors she witnessed, she remained undaunted. I did not expect to find in her such level-headedness, let alone the competence to kill a vampire.
It is rare that one meets a will this strong…
“It would be better for both of us if you were,” I replied coolly.
She did not like that answer. Unfortunately Dar-Meena would get no comfort or consolation from me. The more of a killer I was in her eyes, the more she would detach herself. It needed to be. I could not afford close relationships. One who bares death has no place among the living.
Or so I always told myself. I suppose actions betray true thought.
I decided to travel with Dar-Meena back to Riften. My original plan had been for us to part ways at this point. I would travel north, send a letter to Grosta informing her of her husband’s whereabouts, then depart for Solstheim. All this to say I changed my mind. Riften was a passing point on the way to Ivarstead. My answer to the Greaybeards’ summons had been delayed long enough.
We hiked for a time without a word between us. I hoped Dar-Meena did not expect me to be as outspoken as before. The mood was bleak. A once vibrant forest now seemed dead, its colors dulled in the cloudy day. The sounds of nature, however, had not changed. Life persists in gloom or sunshine. I listened. Ducks sounded off like horns… leaves rustled as small rodents scurried through them, and… something…
Something was off.
I started hearing strange noises behind us, faint and nearly undetectable. Nonetheless they sounded… out of place. I tuned my ears to them as we walked, waiting to see if they would persist.
It could be nothing…
“So… Now that all this is over, what will you do?” Dar-Meena started speaking.
An unhappy grumble escaped me. There were things I wanted to focus on more than idle chatter. I multitasked my hearing as best as I could.
“There are matters elsewhere in Skyrim that I must settle,” I said. “I am afraid I have no time for respite. Long travels await me.”
“You sure like to keep yourself busy.”
“I prefer an active lifestyle, yes.” I decided to keep the conversation going for pretenses. “What about you, Dar-Meena? What path have you laid ahead for yourself?”
“Damned if I know. Damned if I care. I’ll figure all that out once I’m back in Riften.”
“You will resume your life as a thief, I assume.”
Dar-Meena became cagey. “I’ll do what I want to.”
She was never willing to talk about the subject of her thieving, no matter how many times I brought it up. I wondered why. Her attitude suggested she cared little for outside opinions. Why feel any shame of judgment over her life as a criminal? Unless, of course, she did care.
I was not detecting any more unusual sounds.
Keep talking to her, but stay alert.
“Dar-Meena,” I began, looking back at her as I walked, “why are you a thief? What is it that compels you?”
Her expression bore exasperation.
“Really? Really? We both brush death with a vampire, say almost nothing to each other, and this is what you finally decide you want to talk about?”
“We do not have to, if you would rather–”
“No, you know what? You want to talk about this? Fine!” she exclaimed, spreading her arms out in challenge. “Why don’t you just say it already? Get it off your conscience! You think I’m despicable because I’m a thief. The shit of Nirn! You think I should just… give it all up and start living a good life, or whatever that even means.”
I was surprised by her temper. She continued before I could speak.
“Well guess what? I like being a thief. Don’t act like you’re such a saint! Where do you get off being so self-righteous?”
I turned to her with a look of sympathy. “Dar-Meena, you are not despicable. I see great things in you. I simply cannot understand why you would squander your days living off the misfortune of others.”
Dar-Meena hesitated. She seemed conflicted.
“Godsdamned,” she grumbled, glaring at me. “I’m the one squandering my life? Like you have room to talk! Let’s not forget everything you did back in that cave! I’ll bet those weren’t the first people you’ve ever killed. Just what have you been doing with your life?”
A fair reply. I was not offended by its sting. I knew I deserved it.
“I have killed many people in my lifetime,” I said emotionlessly, “and I may yet kill many more. Think of me what you will. I offer no defense for my actions.”
Dar-Meena was stunned. “Then what right do you have to judge me?”
My reply was delayed. The sounds. They returned.
Stay on top of this. Show no sign of suspicion.
“Judgment is not a question of right, but necessity. I wish to believe there are such things as good and evil,” I said. Dar-Meena considered my statement crossly.
“Good and evil, huh? So which are you?” she asked.
I knew well what I was. There is no word for it.
“I was sent down a path in life that I did not choose,” I said. “It is a path I am cursed to follow. But you are still young. You can choose to live a better life. You do not realize the true value of such freedom.” My eyes were firmly fixed on the path ahead. “I ask not to condemn, but to counsel. Why are you a thief, Dar-Meena?”
Her tail hung limp, a sigh leaving her as she shook her head. I was right about this one. She was not a callous criminal. She cared too much.
“It’s what I’m good at,” she said. “I can’t just give it up...”
I stared down at my footsteps.
“Believe me, I would echo those words,” I softly replied. “I wish you weren’t a thief, but to leave the life you know behind is no simple matter. How do you let go of something so terrible, yet so warmly familiar that it has become a part of who you are? I myself have yet to find the answer to that question.”
There was a moment of understanding between us. Any more words were unnecessary. We both looked at each other, lingering.
To my dismay I realized the error of what I was doing. I wanted to estrange myself from Dar-Meena, to have her see a monster in me. But our conversation was accomplishing the opposite. We were drawing together instead of apart.
I looked out into the forest. My senses came alive. Off in the distance…
Movement.
It was insignificant at a glance. But that did not stop the pricking beneath my scales, the intuition of a trained stalker.
“Something the matter?” Dar-Meena asked.
Xhuth, stay focused!
“Nothing, sorry. I am lost in thought,” I said.
Silence ensued as we continued on the path. The time had come to be on guard. I knew exactly what was happening.
We were being followed.
~ooooo~
A trilling sound graced my ears, signaling that the herb was close. I rounded the trunk of a large pine tree and stood before a glade in the forest. At the edge of a small pool of water rested a weed-like plant with three large leaves. It glowed faintly in the dusk of evening, emitting its strange natural shrill. I plucked the herb from the ground and at once the glowing and trilling stopped. The plant fit snugly into my bag. I would have need of it. Soon, I feared.
Dar-Meena stayed behind at our camp site. As I explored the forest I could feel the stares of eyes on my back. This was more than just a scavenging run for sticks and ingredients. It was a test.
I needed to know who they were watching. The two of us? Her? Or me?
In the beginning there was nothing to indicate their presence. It was a demanding exercise of spatial awareness, though one would not know this simply looking at me. As I walked back to camp, ready to give up the ghost, I heard a distant snap of a twig. It was out of sync with the rhythm of the woods around me. A mistake on their part, perhaps? I continued on with an unassuming manner; counter-surveillance demands a feigning of ignorance.
At last I knew the score. They were ignoring Dar-Meena. I was the target.
Whoever these people were – and I assumed more than one – they were not amateurs. The sheer difficulty I had detecting their presence was startling. Assassins? I could not believe any would have found me so quickly. Whoever they were, though, they would regret their choice of mark.
I was dealing with experts in stealth and reconnaissance, but expertize cannot compete with mastery. I had been bested at Stonefalls Hollow. I would not be bested here. Not at my own game.
I returned to Dar-Meena, lying back on her pallet. She barely acknowledged my return. I started a small fire and prepared a few morsels to eat.
“How are you doing that?” she asked, now lying on her side to watch the flames.
“Hm? Doing what?” I replied.
“Your fires don’t let off any smoke,” she said. “What’s the secret?”
I regarded the pile of burning sticks. “It is all in how you fuel the flames. Large logs will burn long and release a lot of smoke. Fine if you are in a place of safety, but poor for staying hidden. On the other hand…” I began placing small sticks into the fire one at a time. “…if you keep your fire small and feed it light portions, gradually, it will continue to burn as pure flame.”
Having finished using the fire, I spit a mouthful of water over the tinder and extinguished it, scattering its remains across the forest floor with my hand.
“A stealth fire, as they call it. Very practical.”
Dar-Meena’s brow rose with a nod of her head. She seemed impressed.
We ate little but enough to get by. All the while my conscience grew heavy. I had to make a judgment call. If the people following me meant harm – and I assumed they did – I did not want Dar-Meena caught in the middle. A vampire and thralls were one thing, but a group of trained assassins?
She must be lost, I thought to myself. She was a smart girl. I was confident she could find her own way back to Riften.
“You sure do love to think, don’t you?” she said, yawning. The day was late.
I replied silently with a smile. It had only been a few short days, but I found myself rather fond of her company. She was exasperating at times but not unbearably so. It would take much more to ruffle the feathers of someone like me.
“Dar-Meena,” I said, “I am grateful for your decision to come with me, despite everything that has happened. I am sorry you had to see the things you did.”
She threw me a defiant look to prove her fortitude.
“Whatever,” she muttered. “The world’s got plenty of horrors in it. You find them sooner or later.”
“Indeed. A sad truth,” I sighed.
Dar-Meena stretched and rolled onto her back, looking up at the stars. I could barely see her slender figure. Her bright feathers were all that stood out. Black scales and dark clothing appeared to blend with the coming night. I found it striking. There was a glint of moonlight in her eyes.
“Chase, after we get back to Riften… I won’t see you again, will I?” she said, sounding already sure of the answer.
Perhaps if circumstances were different…
“Probably not,” I replied.
She sat up.
“Fine. You’re sleeping first, Chase. There’s no way I’m letting you go two days without.”
My pursuers would make a move if I actually slept. It was a poor time for rest, but any would be better than none. I took her offer and pretended to shut my eyes. A few hours passed uneventfully. They must want to catch me alone, I thought. Strange that they did not do this earlier. What were they waiting for?
Halfway through the night, Dar-Meena took her nap while I stayed awake. I waited until early morning to make sure she was sound asleep. The forest became cold and damp as a thin mist enveloped the trees.
The time had come. Silently I picked up my belongings, feeling a shiver in my tail. I took a blanket from my bag and draped it gently over the girl. She would have more need for it than I. I rested a hand on the pommel of my sword.
I cannot let go of who I am… but you will, Dar-Meena. I’m sure of it. You have yet to achieve your true greatness. I glanced back at the sleeping young thief.
C'ee jaas keerthelh tsuq. Goodbye.
And so I walked off into the haze, disappearing, ready to face my enemies. I believed that this was for the best, that she and I should never meet again.
I believed that she would be safer without me.
I was a fool.
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