Lucy's Journal #14: I spent some time drinking.

• Posted by Piper Jo December 17, 2011 - 635 views

   

  I spent some time drinking.  I don’t know how long.  Wine, mead, skooma… nothing would dull the pain.  Drunk but still raging, I broke into the smith’s home one night and stole all his materials, then took it right out to the forge and pounded out my rage on steel, iron, and orichalcum.

  I don’t know what to do now.  I’ve kept myself going with the belief that once I found one of my people, then I would find the rest.  But when I finally found Swims, he was no longer my friend.  I’m afraid to continue my search, even if I knew where to look next.  If I were to find another friend who wanted me dead, I would not fight. 

  Damn that amulet, and damn Alduin! Is this what the inscription meant?  Alduin shall consume the world.  Did Alduin come not to consume Nirn, but rather to consume only my world?  If so, where was I now?  If one wanders the face of Nirn in isolation, is that in effect a form of Oblivion? 

  When I had no more materials to work, I pounded the hammer against the workbench until I exhausted myself.  Lydia took the hammer from my hand and led me back to the inn.  I voiced to her the questions I have written here, and I remember her answer with surprising clarity: What did I expect when I kept trying to avoid my destiny?

  When I woke, it was night again—not sure which night.  I wandered the streets until I found myself outside the house of Evette San.  It took me a long moment to remember why I knew that name.  Oh yeah. It was a job I’d been offered by Vex.  I was carrying a stolen ruby ring that the Guild wanted planted in this San’s house, in order to frame her for the theft.

  I stood in the street considering for a long time.  All my people were gone.  The closest thing to people I had now was the Thieves Guild.  Perhaps that is what Lydia meant.

  I did the shill job, and then next morning, we set out for Riften in a buckboard carriage. Lydia did not look pleased, but I didn’t ask her.