Into the mind... Crassius Curio Ep1 - The Scorching Hammer

  • Warning: The following blog contains Mild Inuendo-Based Sexual References for Comedic Effect. Reader discretion is advised, but feel free to browse at your leisure.

    The Scorching Hammer 

    Urag scratched his overly-sized Orc head in confusion. Why had this girl came all the way from Morrowind to deliver a single, admittedly shabby book? He scanned her up and down once more, her dress was long and flowing, but down the entire right side of her face were burning red scars. Not scars of battle old, but scars that looked as if they had only been recently caused.

    "P-Please sir" She begged "I only ask one thing of you!" Urag whined as he snatched the book from her hand. "What's so special about this anyway?" He moaned to the girl, her face bright with glee. "Oh, you'll see sir! You'll see alright!". Urag snarled as the girl skipped from the Arcaneum, he honestly couldn't put his finger on why she was let in anyway.

    He slid back into the chair next to his desk, deciding to find out what was so special about the book. What he read, he regretted for the rest of his long-winded life.

    "The Scorching Hammer"

    "A play by Crassius Curio" 


    The Apprentice - A weedy young Imperial boy who works as the apprentice of a master female Orc Blacksmith.

    The Blacksmith - A strong, Orcish female who is tired of her apprentice.

    Volume 1 - The Sword & The Sheath

    Apprentice: Ma'am can you help me get my sword into it's sheathe?

    Blacksmith: Zenithar's Mercy! What have you done to it, it's mangled and twisted into such a strange way!

    Apprentice: I was trying everyway i could, but it just won't fit inside!

    Blacksmith: That's no worry, we'll use a hammer to tap it into place.

    Apprentice: But a hammer will surely break the fabric!

    Blacksmith: No worry my dear apprentice, we shall knock it gently, it shouldn't take much effort to fit such a great and bountiful sword inside.

    Apprentice: I can feel it going in!

    Blacksmith: Keep it steady, we've taken alot of effort to get it in, we shouldn't let it slip out again!

    Apprentice: I should really put the sheathe on tighter ma'am!

    Blacksmith: No wait! You'll tear it!


    Apprentice: You must exscuse me, I am still learning ma'am!

    Volume 2 - Sharpening The Axe

    Apprentice: Ma'am i need help sharpening my axe!

    Blacksmith: You must have a mighty long axe if it needs two people! Let me try.

    Apprentice: You have very rough hands ma'am, even for an orc!

    Blacksmith: Hush my apprentice! We must both concentrate to get it right!

    Apprentice: Is it sharp enough yet?

    Blacksmith: Its getting there, you need to press harder my boy!

    Apprentice: I'm pushing as hard as i can but nothings happening!

    Blacksmith: Let me try from your side.

    Apprentice: Ahh, thats so much better!

    Blacksmith: Stop taking your hands off, hold it tight!

    Apprentice: You must exscuse me, I am still learning ma'am!



  • Zoidberg
    Zoidberg   ·  August 8, 2013
    An innuendo? In this blog? How dare you!
  • Bryn
    Bryn   ·  August 8, 2013
    I am not sure why that is a problem... Is that an innuendo or something?
  • Zoidberg
    Zoidberg   ·  August 8, 2013
    "Very rough hands madam!" @Bryn
  • Bryn
    Bryn   ·  August 8, 2013
    So this is what it sounds like being with an Orc woman... Oddly, I am ok with this :P
  • Zoidberg
    Zoidberg   ·  August 8, 2013
    That was what I aimed for Emer, thanks alot :D
  • Todd
    Todd   ·  August 8, 2013
    Ha! That was actually rather fun! It reminds me a lot of The Lusty Argonian Maid! 
  • Vazgen
    Vazgen   ·  August 8, 2013
    Haha, that was fun to read!