9th First Seed
The shack with the dog was empty, but I slept there for a couple of nights to see if anyone would return. Nothing has happened, but the knowledge of the body buried just beyond these walls is unsettling. And there truly was a recent burial. I checked the grounds outside and found a low mound of rain-washed dirt. Of course, no tracks remain and some weeks must have passed since their passing.
I don't know where to go from here. My darling supposedly ran away into the forest, but I've no clue which direction she might have eventually gone. She wouldn't have gone back to Solitude, I don't think. The weather has been so bitter, not even her survival skills would aid her for long out here. So, she must have gone to the nearest town. Morthal, if I recall the name correctly.
13th First Seed
I've started singing her song in the taverns in hopes that someone will recognize her description. Only, I've had to change several lines to include a dog, for I think the animal may have followed her. In fact, I know it would have. Y'ffre's influence is so strong in her--at least before the battle it was.
However, I've had limited success thus far.
15th First Seed
At last! A Redguard approached me after my set, inquiring about the lady about whom I sang so passionately. Once I described my quest, he admitted to meeting just such a Bosmer. When I asked why, he wouldn't say at first. So, I bought a round a drinks and gave him a taste of Rotmeth.
Falion, he calls himself, was tipsy enough to spill after a few rounds. We toasted to Morthal. Then to ourselves. Then to conjuration and magic, for he was a mage of some sort. Then to dear Gwaihen. At the mention of her name, he eyed me speculatively for a moment.
"Jus' between you an' me, that girl was havin' conjuration troubles." He was slurring, so I've attempted his mode of speech here. I asked him what he meant.
"No magic wa' comin' out o' her hand. Y'see, conjuration requires a investmen' o' the caster's soul. Somethin' those stiffs at the College ne'er understood. Anyway. No investmen'. No magic."
He went on for several minutes describing the nature of souls and their relation to other planes of existence. I got lost midway through. What I do remember is here:
- The soul possesses an energy and substance that Falion analogized to "invisible water".
- This substance interacts with something--some kind of barrier. I don't quite understand it.-- to channel souls and daedra to the caster's plane. They travel through the soul substance, into the mage, and out of the palm in the form of a spell.
The whole conversation reminded me of the strange spiral on her delicate hand. Ah, but that is a bittersweet memory that won't help me here. I don't know what happened to Gwaihen on that tower, but I know some fundamental connection with the world was lost. Just looking at her was like looking into the eyes of one condemned. Did she give away her soul that night?
The thought makes me shiver. Who did you sell your soul to? Why? If not her entire soul, then what portion was levied? My, what tangled webs you weave, my love.
I meant to ask Falion more, but he fell asleep where he sat. When I inquired later, he claimed no memory of our conversation and bid me a good day.
17th First Seed
A name is fixed in my head from my drunken discussion with Falion. He mentioned a scholar recently ejected from the college due to his less-than-safe practices. Nelacar, I think his name is. Supposedly, he's researching the nature of souls or some such thing. Falion didn't say if he was able to help her before she moved on, but given his glowing memory of her, something passed between them. I can only hope it was only septims and a word of gratitude.
There's nothing left for me here. I suppose I have no choice but to head to Winterhold.
30th First Seed
By Y'ffre! I've never been anywhere so terribly cold and frozen! I can't but think of my love, frozen somewhere by the side of the road. Perhaps lying next to me as I've trudged along. I don't know how she withstood such terrible winds and snow.
I've set up in the relatively empty Frozen Hearth inn, an apt name to be sure, to sing my song and earn a little gold for the road. Thus far, the locals have told me to keep the noise down or they'll throw me out into into the snow. Tomorrow, I'll have to try a new approach.
1st Rain's Hand
Asking around proved more fruitful in this town. The inn folk have indeed seen a "ghostly" or "haunted" mer pass through recently. The innkeeper was even able to produce Nelacar, who, while reluctant, suggested he met with a Bosmr seeking to understand the nature of his current project. His mood turned sour very quickly when he recounted her refusal to aid him directly in some "small matter".
"She seemed very desperate for information, so I sold her a copy of an old book regarding Azura," he replied. His face looked pinched. Viarmo's often looked at me the same way when I've caught him. I wondered what it meant for a long time, even venturing to worry that he was attracted to me in some way. After many weeks, I finally understood it was how Altmer expressed pity. "I see you're desperate as well. I know not where she went, and I care not. But if you'd like the book, the College has one available. If you can get that old lout of a librarian to even lend it to you."
I thanked Nelacar and gave him a strange gem I found in the old shack. He scoffed at it. Said it was a tawdry imitation, but took the gem just the same.
1st Rain's Hand - Later
Urag was certainly reluctant to part with one of his precious books. As if managing to gain access to this library wasn't trial enough. There was a lovely Altmer at the entrance that I managed to persuade to open the gates for me. I've promised to show her some real "homeland magic" this evening.
Then, the walk itself was treacherous with ice coating the stone and and winds threatening to blow me off into the sea. I think it's only by the grace of Y'ffre that I stayed balanced. Ah, but Faralda leading me balanced like a cat on a wire. Were it not for my concern that my beloved was moving further away from me every moment, I would have enjoyed the view a little more.
But here I am, in the grand library of the College of Winterhold. The book in question is Eve of the Dawn and tells of a place called the Soul Cairn. Here is an excerpt:
... So it was that Molag Bal shamed Azura in the Moonshadow, shattering the tenuous fellowship betwixt the two. From that act a new place was created, for Azura, fearing for her life, hid her soul there to evade the grip of Molag Bal's horned, greedy hands.
But this new division of the Moonshadow was a dark place born of foul acts, and Azura's kind and forgiving soul festered in its darkness. Her kindness turned cold and empty as predawn. Her forgiving nature burned away into the murk of shadows before moonrise. Azura changed and dwelt ever in the precipice of action, terrified of committing to anything and forever prepared to flee should Molag Bal spy her rose-flecked soul.
In an attempt to redeem herself to her followers, whom she loved dearly, the great Azura created a beautiful star so that innocents of the world might be guided into her new realm by its shining light. There they would be protected from Molag Bal forever.
It is this place that many mages seek, for they have come to call it the Soul Cairn. But be wary, my student, for it is a place of darkness and strange power.
The Soul Cairn. Is this where you think your soul fled?
3rd Rain's Hand
I'm at a loss. And I suppose with each passing day I feel more lost. Faralda proved to be a pleasant distraction, but little more. A warm body that, while enjoyable, was ultimately dissatisfying. Yet another reminder of what I do not have. From the way the mage looked at me this morning, I could see the feeling was mutual.
Where was it that Argonian said he was from? Darkwater something. Maybe it's time to return to the place where her journey began.
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