That Derkeethus was very likely dead had not yet sunk in. For all the times he had been in mortal peril, he had come through alive and well. We fell off Hrothgar! How could a two hundred-foot tall tower end his life? Yet the connection had closed, and I absorbed his memories an his power in the same way I had drawn in the strength of dragons. And still, there was an inkling of my long-time friend in my soul. A residue that spoke of him in a way that suggested only his body had perished. Either way, it did not matter. I would be joining him soon, one way of the other.
"Your quest was in vain, Bosmer," Constantius scoffed as we circled each other, the dance resuming. "I have the Phial and a little something from the girl to ensure my plans may continue unheeded." Pulling aside the collar of his tunic, I saw tiny puncture marks on his neck. He turned over the hem of his gauntlets where bite marks covered his wrists. "Oh, there are many more, but I don't think you want to see the rest of this useless vessel of a body," he finished with a despicably snide smile.
I felt sick and cold all over. My darkened internal eye lightened to show the memory of Hrefna laughing as Derkeethus taught her how to swim. "You're a monster," I mumbled, fighting bile rising in my throat as every nerve in my body fired at once.
"No more than you are. I know what you've done--"
I didn't give him a chance to finish. My strike was blocked roughly, then his return swipe bit into my cheek as I flexed backward to avoid the end of his sword. Blood streamed freely down my face, covering the lower right half in a curtain of red. Words came unbidden to my lips and I screamed something in a language I didn't know. Deep in my mind, a low chanting rose, wild and bestial, though too quiet to distinguish. Constantius' movements slowed until he appeared to be moving through water. Maneuvering around him was like walking around a tree.
With a thrust, I sank my blade into his side, crowing some wild, victorious cry. Magicka flared uncontrollably from me, forcing the Legate to his knees. Straining, he lifted his head to glare at me with enough venom and loathing to fell and entire army of men. In his bloodshot eyes, I saw mine reflected. One the emerald eye and slit pupil of my fallen friend; the other my own, now the color of heated silver and gold mingling in light shining through leaves. They pulsed, and my vision shifted as spirits of birds and beasts flitted and cavorted in luminous hallucinations about us.
"You don't have it in you, do you," Constantius sneered, struggling against the magical bonds as I circled him. I stopped and laughed. It was mirthful, hearty, hysterical--the sound of jackals in the northeastern plains of Valenwood. I found my voice echoing the chant rising in my head. It became progressively louder until the sound rumbled through my bones and nerves--through my soul. Singing, I stood before the Legate, his eyes squinting as light around me grew into a blinding brilliance.
Then my body whipped, undulated, through the chant, for I sang the oldest song. It was the song from the Dawn--from the Grey Maybe. Dimly, I felt my sword and torch leave my hands. My head dipped back so that I looked at the sky, though the night had become a nightmarish vision of rollicking monstrous forms.
At first, there was pain as the first pulse of energy erupted, crackling into the air. Clenching my fists, I tried to hold back, to stop this horror, but that only caused more pain. My fingers were forced open and my voice careened erratically until it soared away into the dark. Eventually, my nerves exploded into thousands of shimmering particles, each shining as my body went numb.
The pain faded.
Vision faded, dissolving into the shapes of dragons like afterimages of a bright flash.
The song faded.
My last visceral sensation was of burning, melting, molding, shifting, dividing.
Everything I knew diffused into a raw elemental hunger.
Until...
At last...
I, too, was gone.
For a while I drifted, the residual echos of roaring dragons and terrified humans far away. There was nothing to see, not really; only a grey blanket that coated the universe in a shade that was neither here nor there. I felt utterly at peace. I forgot about those that I'd lost in my life. I forgot about Constantius. Forgot about Hrefna and what had been done to her. Forgot Derkeethus, Ondolemar, Valindor, Hrollod. That Thalmor soldier whose name I never learned. My mother and father. Eventually, I even forgot who I was or what I was or why I was.
So, I floated, free and unburdened, merely a suggestion of an existence.
I do not know how long I traveled in that space between spaces, but I know I must have traveled some distance, if distance can be accounted for in such a place. When the forest materialized before my eyes and I walked under its eaves, I knew I had been there all along and forgot the emptiness I drifted through only moments before. Soft, green light glowed from the very trees the trunks of which towered upwards into nothing. There was no sun, yet light was everywhere, and it wasn't until I saw one of the leaves drifting to the ground that I realized the light came from the leaves for the leaves were made of light. Placing my hand against a trunk, I found it smooth like marble, warm like skin. It vibrated gently. Suddenly, I became aware of a muted humming like the note of musical bees. The sound came from everywhere and nowhere. It came from myself.
A being approached. All at once I was reminded of Valindor, whose face felt long forgotten, and a spriggan. Then of new shoots in the spring and the sound of trees as they fall in a windstorm. Frozen, I stared at him, feeling attracted to him beyond all measure, filled with a desire to embrace him, enfold him, lose myself in him. At the same time, part of me was absolutely terrified of his presence.
He smiled. My heart skipped beats it forgot it had.
"Hello, Gwaihen," he said, his voice the song of birds, beasts, my clan, my people, me. "I have waited for this moment for some time."
"Who are you?" I said, recalling I had a mouth.
"You've known me all your life. Please, I know you're more perceptive than this."
"Y'ffre," I whispered, filled with a heady rapture. The Aedric vision nodded. It was then I understood how Valindor's eyes had changed in the Bard's College, and the vision I had seen. Realizing what that had meant when I had kissed that Bosmer, I blushed, feeling utterly humiliated. Y'ffre watched the play of thoughts across my face and laughed. The sound was haunting and wild. "Why have you been waiting for me?" I finally managed.
"I've been waiting for you to come to this moment to make this choice."
"What choice?"
"Why the one to decide the fate of Mundus."
"What? I'm meant to--what? Why me?" Y'ffre smiled affably, his glowing eyes brightening, but he made no motion to answer. I gawked at the being, barely able to mentally progress beyond 'decide the fate of Mundus'. Resigned, I sighed, looking up at the trees. "What is my choice?"
He appeared delighted I asked. "You can continue to become the Wild Hunt and unleash your fury in the form of Akatosh's children upon your foes. Should you do so, they will not be stopped and though all you deem evil may be purged from the world, so will all you deem good.
"Or you can release any ability to transform. Your connection to the dragon's strength and voice will diminish. As will your connection to the Betmer--the Argonian. And to me. Once the choice is made, you cannot turn back. You will continue to transform, or revert to a mortal and nothing more."
I absorbed his words slowly, and latched on to the one bit of information that snagged against some ancient memory. "Derkeethus is alive?"
"Only so long as you are in this place."
"Can I stay here, then? He'll stay alive as long as I stay here, yes?"
"Would you truly wish that upon yourself?" he asked, looking suddenly concerned. I thought about this for a moment. "If you decided to stay here, the events set in motion would not be stopped," he warned, "You would continue to become the Wild Hunt you initiated." For a moment he paused, pondering the predicament, "Then again, you would be here with me." That benign smile again so much like Valindor's.
Distantly, I witnessed my body splitting into the ethereal beasts of the Wild Hunt. As I watched, I remembered my father, my mother, Hrefna, Derkeethus, Jorin, Nael, Ondolemar, Valindor... The trees, streams, rivers. The wind and rain and mountains. The sunlight on the grass and the sound of life in the thicket. All of this would be destroyed, and in understanding this, I wept. No, Derkeethus' life was not an adequate trade for this, no matter how much I found I cared for him. He wouldn't want Mundus to be thrown away so carelessly. In seeing my decision, Y'ffre positively beamed.
He approached closer, and I fought the urge to back away. Taking my hands in his, he murmured, "I will help you find the way back to me, should you wish for it. That is something I can do."
With that resolution, I nodded. "I'm ready," I said, but Y'ffre was already gone. A great void opened within me as I felt his influence wane. I cried after him, feeling so empty and alone.
Suddenly, I was pushed back through a what felt like a needle's eye into the world I knew. I felt power penetrate my body and soul. I let it consume me. But instead of succumbing to the pain and rage enforced by the chaotic multitude of monstrosities, I forced the power out in one long, endlessly silent scream. With a loud crack, my body snapped into a singular entity once more. My head was thrown back and from it hideous forms were expelled in a beam of light that evaporated my throat, threatening to eat away at the rest of my face. An unearthly scream twisted from the snow in front of me: Constantius was disintegrating into nothing even while he still breathed. The beam rocketed up through the clouds, burning them away and igniting the aurora. Bestial, draconian, ephemeral shapes collided and dissolved in the sky.
Weak at the knees, I collapsed, seeing my friend laying on the ground far below. He looked like a stranger to me. I could no longer feel his thoughts and desires mingling with my own. Nor could I feel the steady, warm connection to Nirn. I was drifting, endlessly... An empty vessel. So, I let myself drift, floating far and away into a darkness so complete, I welcomed it. In my heart, I bid my goodbyes, the last I whispered on the cold air, "Goodbye, Derk."
I wrapped my arms around the darkness, feeling its mass, letting it fill me up until I lost contact with the world. But I knew peace.
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