I can only think it was my fault, though I know Durz would say otherwise. I wanted to go to the College of Winterhold to find peace and comfort. How could anything go wrong in that strong stone castle full of academics with their comfortable beds and magical central heating system? Durz followed me there without question because he loved me, though I know he had no interest in any but the simplest of magic.
I was so very wrong. We found something in that archaeological dig under Saarthal and brought it back to the castle, and that despicable Thalmor spy tried to take it for his own. His actions led to the death of the arch mage, and then an outbreak... of… things... purely magical and purely evil orbs of light attacking the town of Winterhold.
Durz and I joined the fight to save the town, along with most of the professors and students from the college and the town guards. As we charged down the bridge from the college, I shouted out for my strongest but least controllable ally, “Odahving!” If only I could take that choice back.
The scene in the street was chaos. Mages flung lightning and flame everywhere, while the less magically inclined had to dodge the spells while fighting the quick, darting, purely magical creatures. Fortunately, the creatures fell to mundane weapons or the guards could have done nothing but flee.
Suddenly the air shook, a shadow darkened the sky, and the street erupted in dragon fire. The flying orbs were reduced to powder in seconds, while the defenders leapt for cover or rolled in the snow to put out their flaming robes. Odahving had come at my call to destroy my enemies. My allies were unimportant to him. The untamed dragon hauled himself powerfully into the air to recharge his thu’um, while the rest of us ran back out into the open to chase the remaining orbs down the street.
When it was all over, I found Durz standing with Faralda, weapon drawn, ready for more action. Faralda called out to me, “I’ll stay here and watch for anymore of them. You get back to Mirabelle and assist her however she needs!”
I nodded and turned to Durz, clapping him on the shoulder. He didn’t react. “Durz?” I prompted. I waved my hands before his eyes, but he ignored me, scanning the street, as though he had eyes only for enemies. “Durz?”
“By the Gods!” I heard Faralda gasp. I turned to see her covering her suddenly ashen face with both hands, her eyes wide with horror. “I had no idea,” she started. “We needed every hand in the battle. I saw him in the street after that dragon attacked, so I… I would never… if I had known he was your… your…”
Only then did I note the blackened burns around his eyes, where his cowl did not hide his face. I felt the blood drain from my face, but there was no time to mourn or to scream at that time. In fact, I had no time for several days, not until Ancano was defeated and the Eye of Magnus deactivated and hidden away by the Psyjics. They made me arch-mage for my roll in that, even though I continued to study under the various professors for some time.
If I had thought the student’s quarters comfortable, they were nothing compared to the arch-mage’s rooms. I had my own alchemy table, enchanting lab and botanical garden. I could not sleep at night, though. Not that there was anything wrong with the bed, but Durz was not there. I lay awake, unable to escape the horrific vision of Durz’s body fighting in the street under Faralda’s spell even after his soul had moved on. She gave me his journal, you know. I have not yet been able to read it.
I tried to stay, tried to help the students with their various projects, but I had to leave. I poured my grief out in the orsimer way—I joined the Legion. No magic, just sword and shield and blood and rage until the Stormcloak rebellion was ended and Ulfric lay dead at the base of his throne. I hope someday the united Empire will march against the Thalmor, but in the meantime, I mean to be done with fighting. I think I will go to the Bard’s College. Perhaps they will teach me the skills I need to write Durz’s life story in an edda. Perhaps they will teach me to rejoice in his life, rather than despair in his death.
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