Caylin's Monsters
Chapter 20: A Gift of Power
Outside of Jorrvaskr, I paused on the steps leading to the Underforge.
Farkas, sensing my hesitation, said, “There’s no rush. Whenever you’re ready, Caylin.”
Looking ahead, I could see Skjor waiting for us… for me. His back was turned to us, but I’m pretty sure he knew we were there.
“Farkas… do you… like being a werewolf?” I asked, still holding his hand tightly.
He considered for a moment before answering, “It has its drawbacks, I suppose. My anger flares up more often, and I can’t really control my transformation when there’s a full moon. But, for the most part, I would say the benefits are worth it. I’m much stronger and faster, and all my senses are heightened, even in my regular form. That strength and speed have helped me out of quite a few scrapes.” Then we fell silent. After a minute, Farkas gave my hand a little squeeze and asked, “Are you ready?”
What a complicated question, I thought. Was I ready to be cured of my blood-lust and desire to murder nearly everyone I saw? Of course. But was I ready to become a shape-shifting wolf-creature? I really wasn’t sure.
Ready or not, however, I knew it was time. I squeezed Farkas’ hand to let him know my answer was yes. “Skjor’s just up ahead,” Farkas said. “He’ll want to talk to you before we go in.”
I reluctantly let go of Farkas’ hand and walked forward. Skjor immediately turned and began walking toward me as well. I assume, with the heightened senses Farkas mentioned, Skjor could hear our whole conversation.
“Farkas informed us of your… unfortunate predicament,” Skjor began, “and I agree with him that our blood may free you of that curse. So, are you prepared?”
I nodded my agreement and Skjor continued, “I wish this could have happened under better circumstances since we were planning to offer you this gift anyway, but no matter. The Underforge taps an ancient magic that is older than men or elves, and we bring you here to make you stronger, new blood,” he motioned toward the entrance to the Underforge. “Now, let’s move.”
With that, he turned and headed into the Underforge.
Even though I knew this was the only way, and even though my opinion of being a werewolf had improved dramatically in the last twenty-four hours, I was still afraid. Farkas noticed my hesitation and walked past me to stand between me and the Underforge entrance.
“Caylin, there’s nothing wrong with being afraid,” Farkas said, once again proving that he could read me like an open book. “With this kind of power, we could easily become monsters just as dangerous as any vampire. A proper fear and respect keeps us in check. It reminds us that we took the beast blood to protect Skyrim, not to conquer or terrorize her.”
“Were you afraid when you… made this choice?” I asked.
“Yes… I was,” he said, looking intently into my eyes. “I was terrified in fact. The only reason I was able to get through it was because my brother had gone before me. When I saw that he could use this gift without letting it take over his life, I knew that I could too. And when I look at you, Caylin… at your strength of character, unmatched by any of the Companions… I know that you will also.”
He knew exactly what I needed to hear. It was so strange how much my experience mirrored his. The only reason I was okay with going through with this was because I had seen the kind of man Farkas was. “I’ll be inside with the others. Take your time, and join us when you’re ready,” he said as he turned and entered the Underforge.
“There’s nothing wrong with being afraid,” I repeated to myself. “A proper fear keeps us in check.” I took a step toward the entrance. “I won’t let this gift take over my life or change who I am.” I took another step and reached the door. “I will use this… gift… for the sake of Skyrim and her people, to play my part in restoring peace amidst this pointless war.” Then I opened the door and entered the Underforge.
As I stepped inside, I saw Skjor across the room next to a werewolf who I could only assume was Aela.
Farkas was standing close to the entrance waiting for me. I was so nervous I could feel my knees shaking as I walked up to stand beside him.
“I’m glad you came,” Skjor began, “regardless of your current… infirmity, as it were. It’s been a long time since we’ve had a heart like yours in our numbers. That pitiful ceremony behind the hall does not befit warriors like us.”
Skjor gestured to the werewolf across from him, “I would hope you recognize Aela, even in this form. She’s agreed to be your forebear.”
Aela was as fierce and frightening as Farkas had been when I saw him in his wolf form.
“To reach the heights of the Companions, you must join with us in the shared blood of the wolf,” Skjor said. “Are you prepared to join your spirit with the beast world, friend?”
I don’t know why I was so afraid. Maybe it was the voice in my head, the vampire blood-lust inside me, that knew it was going to die, or maybe it was the human side of me that feared losing control to another monster. Either way, I wanted nothing more than to run as far away as I could.
The only reason I didn’t was Farkas. His eyes never left mine. I could feel his strength flowing into me through those eyes.
With my eyes still locked on his, I found my voice, “I am.”
“Very well,” Skjor responded. Then he walked over to Aela.
Out of the corner of my eye, I could see him grab one of Aela’s arms and lift it up. At the same time, he pulled a dagger from his belt.
He held Aela’s arm over a large stone basin, and I knew what he was going to do next. I couldn’t stand to watch, but I could hear the sound of her blood flowing.
Once the basin was full, and I still hadn’t turned to face Skjor, he added, “This is your choice. We will not force you. But to join the Circle, your blood must be as ours.”
Farkas grabbed my hand once more and squeezed it gently. “It’s time,” he said.
There was such confidence in his voice that I couldn’t argue. I squeezed his hand in return, and we both turned to face Skjor and Aela.
We approached the basin, Farkas moving to the side, causing the four of us to form a circle. The symbolism wasn’t lost on me. They had invited me to be a part of something they considered sacred, The Circle.
I looked over at Aela… at what I was about to become.
I heard the slightest growl coming from her mouth, if you can call it a growl.
The sound was not unfriendly. In fact, it was almost a sound of encouragement.
“Caylin,” Skjor said patiently. “Are you ready?”
I folded my arms. I suddenly felt cold and alone in the middle of that dark cave… but I wasn’t alone, I told myself.
These were friends. And despite my fears, I had to do this. I couldn’t live as a vampire, and I still needed to find Mikael’s family to tell them what happened. “I’m ready,” I said as firmly as I could manage.
“Then I would suggest,” Skjor said, “if you don’t want to ruin your dress, that you remove it and your jewelry before proceeding. Our transformations tend to wreak havoc with clothing.”
I was surprised and a little shocked. I wasn’t expecting that. I didn’t know how to respond except to look at Farkas.
Seeing the surprise and worry on my face, he replied with just a hint of a smile, “Well, you remember what happened to my armor when I transformed in the barrow. Add one more drawback to the list, I guess.”
I appreciated his trying to lighten the mood, but it didn’t help. I did, however, remember the barrow. The image of him running naked to the entrance to find his spare armor would have probably made me laugh or blush if I hadn’t been so scared at the time… or right now, for that matter. Unfortunately I didn’t have a spare dress, and I didn’t want to damage the earrings Nilindil made for me either. So, reluctantly, I removed my clothes and jewelry and placed them on the ground.
As I stood there in nothing but my undergarments, I felt so exposed. It felt like all my protection was gone, and Skjor and the others could see me for the monster I truly was.
Not to mention it was humiliating, though I’m sure that wasn’t their intention. Maybe they were used to seeing each other like this often, but I wasn’t.
Now I wasn’t just afraid, I was also utterly embarrassed… especially in front of Farkas.
I looked over at him, terrified of what I would see in his face, but as always, he surprised me.
He was a complete gentleman. There was absolutely no sign of lechery in his eyes. All I could find there was warmth, encouragement, and strength. He nodded to me very slightly, which I took to mean it was time.
I took a deep breath. Then I stepped up to the basin and looked inside.
Given my affinity for blood now, I would have thought my reaction to so much of it would be more positive. However, it smelled absolutely atrocious.
I was revolted by the thought of putting that in my mouth. I could almost hear the voice in my head begging me to stop. She knew this would be her end, I could feel it. Unfortunately for her, this only strengthened my resolve.
I closed my eyes and steeled myself for what I was about to do.
Then I bent over the basin, reached my hand into the dark red liquid, and brought it to my mouth.
Immediately I began to feel strange. First, everything started to lose focus.
Then it felt like there was an explosion of energy within me.
I could feel my body temperature and heart rate increasing rapidly.
Then there was pain… It felt like my skin was both on fire and being ripped apart at the same time. I could feel parts of me stretching and contorting in ways never intended for the human body.
Next… there was rage, a primal rage I had never felt before.
Finally the pain ceased, and all I felt… was power.
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