Caylin's Monsters
Chapter 16: The Request
I ran straight from the Hall of the Dead back to Jorrvaskr. I needed to find Farkas fast.
No one was in the main hall when I came in.
It was late, and I assumed everyone had gone to sleep already.
So I went down to the lower level to find Farkas. I just hoped he was there.
The blood-lust within me was growing stronger every minute. It was getting harder and harder to resist her honeyed words. If I didn’t do something quick, I was sure I would lose myself completely.
I steeled myself at Farkas’ door. “Please be here,” I thought.
When I entered the room and saw him lying there, I was both relieved to find him and also afraid to tell him what happened.
I had been so frightened when he became the wolf, but now, having my own curse, I saw him in a very different light. I didn’t want to lose his respect or his friendship… “but is it already too late?” I mused.
“Yes, it is too late,” the voice answered. “Besides, we don’t really want to tell him anyway, do we? No… we want something else from him entirely.”
She was right. That fire from before was returning. I could feel my mouth begin to water as I stared at him. “We’re still so thirsty,” she said. “Mikael was amazing for sure, but Farkas… now there’s a real man.” I tried to respond, but the words wouldn’t come.
“Not to mention that Mikael was a stranger to us. Farkas on the other hand, he’s a trusted friend. We know the taste of his life will be so much sweeter on our lips.” I could feel her smiling at this thought, and I was horrified.
Against my will, I found myself kneeling beside Farkas. “Don’t worry, though. We don’t need to drain him completely,” the voice said reassuringly. “Like a fine wine, we want to savor it. Just a small sip for now, we think. It’ll be just a little prick in his neck. He probably won’t even feel it.” That was a lie. She wouldn’t let me stop until there was nothing left, not one drop.
It was as if I had lost my will to argue. I did want Farkas. The desire was burning in me like before. I wanted to hear the pounding of his heart, to feel the warmth of his blood running down my chin, to taste the essence of his life on my tongue.
Every ounce that was left of my humanity was kicking and screaming, but I couldn’t speak a single word against the power of my own blood-lust. When I had finally given up all hope of resisting, I felt a small shift in my mind, as if she had lost her footing ever so slightly.
I seized my opportunity and bolted upright away from Farkas. “Oh gods! You almost… I almost…”
I turned away, too afraid to keep looking at him; too afraid of losing myself… too afraid of what I might do.
I took a deep breath, attempting to calm the fire that was still raging inside me. “Farkas…” I said in little more than a whisper. “Are you awake?”
Farkas stirred at my voice and slowly rose out of bed, but I continued to keep my back turned to him.
“Caylin? What’s the matter?” he asked in his gruff voice. “Is something wrong?”
“…Yes,” I replied. “Something terrible has happened, and I need your help.”
“What is it?” he asked me. “Does this have to do with Skjor? He told me he asked you…”
“No,” I interrupted, my voice still so small. “Skjor did ask me to meet him tonight, but I was afraid of what he would say, so I never went.”
I turned around slowly at that point, but I kept my face down. I was so ashamed of what I had become, and once he saw my face, he would know the truth. “If it’s not about Skjor, then what’s going on,” Farkas asked patiently.
“I did something terrible, Farkas,” I said shakily. I could feel my body start to tremble as I spoke. “I snuck off to The Bannered Mare early last night to avoid talking to Skjor and…” I didn’t know how to explain it. How could I put into a few words what had happened in the past several hours? So I just said it as simply as I could manage, “I killed someone…” My words were catching in my throat. “I killed Mikael the bard.”
If Farkas was surprised or upset, he gave no indication. As always, he maintained that calm strength I had come to appreciate. “What happened? Did he attack you? Did he try to hurt you?”
It made it even more painful that Farkas actually gave me the benefit of the doubt, assuming that it was Mikael’s fault. “No. You don’t understand. I wasn’t defending myself… I killed him!” I said as tears began to form in my eyes. “I… I just killed him, and I need you to…” I couldn’t seem to say the word I wanted to say. “I need you to… deal with me.”
“Caylin, I don’t understand,” Farkas declared, obviously perplexed. “What actually happened, and what do you mean you want me to deal…” Before he could finish, I lifted my head, looked him in the eyes, and spoke as plainly as possible.
“I murdered Mikael the bard in cold blood… and I need you to kill me… tonight.”
Farkas was speechless, and his silence was deafening.
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