Journal of a Survivor (Part 3), Chapter 30: Existential Crisis

  • Sundas, Last Seed 23rd: Whiterun 

    Faendal and I are in the Bannered Mare in Whiterun, lingering over a few drinks. 

    We've had a disagreement about where we - I! - should go next. He thinks we should climb a bloody great mountain to shout at some bearded old hermit weirdos. I disagree.

    The drink is good, the food is good, and the company is...acceptable. We linger some more. I'm being careful today: I want to keep a clear head. I'm still trying to come to terms with what's happened to me over the last week, and especially the last day or two.  

    It's still only been just over a week! It feels like a lot longer: so much has happened! Just a few days ago I was on the run, living off the land, and other people. Sleeping where I could, eating when I could, taking what I needed to survive. A scamp, a tramp, a thief, a runaway. A nobody. But a Survivor.

    Now what am I? A grave robber. An artefact finder. A friend of Jarls. A Dragonslayer. A Thane. A Hero. A 'Dragonborn'? A mad Shouter? 

    I still don't understand any of this, not really. It's all still too much.

    "It's all still too much!" I tell Faendal.

    "The drink again and the food, Shinbira? Just go easy: remember last night!"

    He's winking. "You know what I mean, you silly Elf.

    "I still need answers, I still need to understand," I continue, "Why was I on the verge of execution, only to be rescued by a bloody dragon attack?! Then escaped with help of a vile Nord, who I came to call 'friend'? The bloody Nords killed my mother, Faendal: you know that! It makes no sense!"

    "It doesn't, brother. A lot of things in this life don't make sense."

    "Don't be so bloody philosophical! And you're telling me not to drink too much: how many have you had?"

    At this he smiles. "I'm always like this, brother: sorry."

    "Yes you are, Faendal, of course you are. You're bloody annoying too."

    "So then, what do you want to do now?" he asks, ignoring my jibes.

    I've made my mind up!

    "I think you know, Faendal."

    I do like teasing him, but he should know, really.

    He stops and thinks, quietly sipping his wine, while I study his face intently. 

    "No." he replies, finally. "I really don't know. Tell me."

    "Really?" I playfully chide. "I'm a Dunmer. That's a clue."

    He thinks some more, still sipping his wine.

    "Come on, brother!" I prompt. "What would a Dunmer do in a time of uncertainty and crisis?"

    He still doesn't see! Then suddenly: "Ah! Of course.'s really cold there! And so far away. Are you sure?" 

    "Yes. I'm sure. And you don't have to come with me if you're afraid your big nose might freeze and drop off." 

    "Thank you for your concern," the Bosmer replies, with a slight lack of sincerity. "But I'll still go with you in case you need someone to tuck you in at night, again."

    "If you wish. I do need someone to carry all my stuff, and you're still here."



    "Then it's settled!" I slam my ale hard down on the Inn's table. "We're off to see Azura! Ready?"

    Don't forget: 'If you like it then you oughtta put a 'click' on it'...

    And if you don't please tell me why, or how else will I get better? Also if you do!


    Table of Contents


  • Idesto
    Idesto   ·  August 23, 2015
    That's actually really helpful Exuro and Unhelpful, I really appreciate it. It's great to get feedback like that from someone who is able to take an objective overview. 
  • The Wing
    The Wing   ·  August 23, 2015
    Yeah that's true AND YES YOU DO.
  • Exuro
    Exuro   ·  August 23, 2015
    Well its definitely not plush, but he has friends, position, and some resources now. The previous entries were mostly him reacting to life, now he has moment to choose a direction.

    Also, I keep seeing Discworld pop up, I think I need to get a copy.
  • The Wing
    The Wing   ·  August 23, 2015
    I wouldn't really call this a more comfortable life, Exuro...
  • Exuro
    Exuro   ·  August 22, 2015
    Also your chapters have names now
  • Exuro
    Exuro   ·  August 22, 2015
    Well done good Ser. Faendal and I both came to understand what he was talking about at the same time.
    I would say Idesto is still in character, but he is evolving and rounding out as his life becomes more comfortable. He doesn't need to spend all hi...  more
  • The Wing
    The Wing   ·  August 12, 2015
    You're so welcome, and I adore Rincewind as well.  I love that his heroic reaction is always to SCREAM. XD
  • Idesto
    Idesto   ·  August 12, 2015
    I. Adore. Rincewind. Glad you're enjoying Pratchett. I'm sure he's a major influence on my writing, at least unconsciously. 
    Thanks for the feedback: I really appreciate it
  • The Wing
    The Wing   ·  August 12, 2015
    I think Shinny is still in-character! I got the feeling he dug his head in Denial Land. His initial reaction to most catastrophes seems to be 'THIS IS A BUNCH OF' and then goes off and has a drink.
    He reminds me a lot of Rincewind. When he sees some...  more
  • Idesto
    Idesto   ·  August 10, 2015
    Do you mind if ask you if you think Shin's character has stayed consistent? I'm a little worried he's not angry enough any more!